Johanna Thompson

nine eleven.

It takes only two non-descript numbers spoken aloud to conjure up an entire cacophony of emotions. What follows truly is a brain dump. For a full week, starting on September 11th, I would sit down at my laptop or notebook at the end of the day and simply hemorrhage words. Even though I am also a photographer, the thought of grabbing my camera to capture the turmoil of the city was anathema to me. It appalled me. It would be cathartic for others to start shooting. For me, my salve was prose. Friends worldwide phoned and e-mailed me all week long - when they could even get a line into the city - to touch base and check on my sanity levels.

Talking about nine/eleven was simply too difficult. Instead, I wrote my account of Tuesday's events. The words didn't stop until a week later. I sent the e-mail below to anxious friends in Scotland, Ireland, England, New Zealand, Australia, Canada and throughout the United States. Even as I type this - nearly four months later - I have not re-read this document since September 26th, 2001. I will not edit it. I will not re-read it. Yet. For the same reason that even though I picked up the New York Times, The New York Post and The Daily News every day in September and October, I have still not been able to do more than scan the headlines and then pack them away for later inspection.

From: Johanna Thompson
Date: 09/12/2001 04:45 PM
To: "Norman", "Iain", "Deirdre and Peter", "Paula", "Andy", "David and Lorraine", "Sydney", "Debbie", "Alice"
cc:
Subject: the little picture

So many of you have called or e-mailed me to see if I was okay. Thank you for all your thoughts, your love and caring. Here in the city, we're sort of in limbo. Even volunteering to help is difficult, because too often we become a hindrance to the rescue/recovery efforts. Last night I spent hours walking around the city, taking notes. You're seeing what's happening on the news: all the heroic feats, the tragedies, the fear. Let me share with you what the many New Yorkers may have seen and felt yesterday. My day was far less heroic. It's much harder to see the big picture from this vantage point. So here's the little picture.

Love,

Jo